First steps into the physical BDSM scene (what to explect)

I remember my first BDSM event. I was just eighteen and a friend of mine (from the early days of my talking about BDSM online to strangers as a minor – oops!) had asked me to accompany him. I went along to what I thought would be a big, scary BDSM event in Melbourne’s inner suburbs. Full of heavy metal music and girls being tied to things, whipped until their flesh came away. Perhaps that was partly fantasy too. 

I walked into this event and thought, shit where are all the young hot people. Everyone was so, OLD. I was standing there with my friend, his scene friends (who he’d quickly found after we’d arrived) and looking around, feeling very alone and perverted. I had found this interest very young, maybe there was something wrong with me? 

I am lucky that I live in a big kinky city, and I have seen my local BDSM scene grow over the years. Now there’s something on every week, not just two events a month. There’s a heap of these easy to attend (if a little boring) events. I would defiantly recommend anyone looking to go to their first event, that although it’s tempting to go to the hardcore leather bar, going to a tamer event or even a munch is easier than ever in Melbourne (and luckily us young kinksters are not alone, there are often under 30’s or under 35’s events in your city). 

Once you’ve found the tame event near you, weather through word of mouth online (link leads to the fetlife events board and opens in a new window), or are being dragged to the event by a friend of potential play partner the most important thing to do is relax. You’ve found your fellow freaks now. It’s time to enjoy that first moment when you look around and think (hopefully) “wow! They’re all just like me!”

The best advice I can give you aside from the “just go!” (and yes, a lot of people go alone – that’s how they meet new people!) is to remember that you are a newbie and that no-one expects you to play at an event. Often if you talk to the people on the door and say you’re new, they will set you up with someone to talk to who will explain the nature of the event and listen to you talk about how you’re so happy there are people just like you in the world (my friend did this, and it’s a thankless job, she really has heard it all!) or if you’ve chosen a munch, there will be other people there who you’ll be sitting with to talk to. Really it’s not that scary once you get there, and it’s a challenge to get over that initial fear. 

I’m happy to listen to you talk about your first event – but not happy to hear you talk about how you’d just love to go, adventurousness is attractive. Remember that!