Music Monday's: Same-same dating

For the first Music Mondays Febuary post (I'm going to do Music Monday's on the last Monday of every month), I decided to post something by Ani Difranco. Being the big queer domme I am it had to happen eventually, right?

For anyone who doesn't know, same-same is what the Thai's say to tourists all the time. Perhaps 'similar' is a difficult word for them, or perhaps it's just something someone said once that stuck. In my mind, BDSM dating is similar to vanilla dating, hence the "same-same dating" title. 

Ani sings this upbeat number which is pretty much like everything else she writes, a flow of conciousness song. There's a few choice lyrics that really resonate with pretty much every bad date (BDSM date or otherwise) we've all been on: 

I think shy is boring
I think depressed is too
I think pretty is nice
but I'd rather see something new

... Wouldn't we all!? Show me YOU and I might be interested. If I lose interest in your pretense, don't be offended. It's not really you, is it?

they wanna take me out to dinner
think I'm a bitch if I don't go
seems like the people who actually like me
won't allow me to say no

I can't tell you how many people I've had to say no to "nicely", I don't bother anymore. If someone doesn't understand that you're not interested by your obvious lack of interest, they've got bigger problems than you need to be involved in.

your idea of a conversation
is the third degree
but I don't really know you
and I don't really want to talk about me

I lose interest in conversations that are all questions about me. This is a two-way thing, right? If you can't make conversation with someone, there's a sign.

I promise I won't keep posting video's with such a negative slant to them about BDSM dating or offencive internet fetishists just as soon as it's out of my system - which will be very soon!

What the hell is a queer domme?

A few years ago, I was sitting in the lounge room of someone who is very respected in my local scene. He has his own blog over here I found when I went to his profile on fetlife, and I hope he wouldn't mind me linking here. He’s Erin. A loveable Dominant and a good friend to someone I was dating at the time. Who was a very cute, very sweet guy who for me, just came along at the wrong time. I had a lot of stuff to work out back then. I am very glad I knew him however. 

Back to Erin and his words of wisdom, he’d said something in passing that was ground breaking for me (actually, he said a lot of ground breaking things for me that night, but this is one I want to share right now)

After talking about how different domme’s interacted with their slaves, he said,“There is a queer domme, who will hit you and then giggle.”

The domme boot dropped. My god! I am that girl! I am the girl who hits people and laughs! I am a queer domme! I am queer! How strange it is to turn an offencive word around (there’s more behind being queer than this, but I’m no expert. Google queer theory if you are interested).

Skip to now when I meet s types who tell me I am not what they expected. Mostly because the domme’s they meet are twice my age and stern disciplinarians. Many have experience as professional dommina’s as well as in the lifestyle. I am a smiling domme with no other experience than that with old partners, subs and play things. I am a domme still in her youth and enjoys administering pain, but in a different way. After mindfucking a submissive or hitting him and causing physical plain, I will laugh. Sometimes it gives the game away, but I cannot help it.

It’s who I am.

Living the BDSM dream (Some French domme's stories)

I read an article about a French domme circle and how they play A few days ago and I adore what these women are doing. A group of women (who’re all over 50) living in a small bubble of BDSM. They own slaves and play with submissive in the traditional, old-style sense. As much as I wouldn’t mind the odd sexual submissive (and he would have to be an amazing lover to achieve that role), I would love to own slaves and have submissive who serve me and who I play with in a purely kink sense, with no sex. 

I have wanted this for quite some time, but have never really thought it attainable – most of the people I know in the BDSM scene play with their spouses or other sexually-bonded people. Or they are professional dominatricies who have regular clients and from the outside looking in they are service tops. Which is fine, and I’m sure they love what they do, but it’s not quite what I want. I don’t want to marry a submissive and have kinky sex that one day goes stale or to be a service top. 

I want to be every bit of strong dommina that I am, uncompromised by submissives who want me to provide a service to them or by partners who may lose interest in service when the dominatrix mystique fades in the light of reality. 

I love that there are people out there living their lives in the way that they want to. If they can do it, so can I.