The success of this blog?

I started this blog so I had somewhere to put my BDSM ramblings however it’s becoming more than that. When submissives find me on fetlife, the first thing many of them do before contacting me is read my blog, which could be positive or negative.

Negative because they could project what I write here back at me in a way that makes them sound like the most wonderful submissive and perfect for me.

Positive because the blog (I hope) is true to me and will hopefully attract a submissive who is a good match for me. If he read the blog and it resonated well with him being the biggest drawer.

I have had a fair few submissives let me know they’d love to be my service submissive in the recent past, which would be nice if their service was unconditional of being a sexual submissive too.

I am in two minds about this blog, part of me wants to start adding to it here as I adventure through kinkyland and part of me wants to stop, delete the link from fetlife and see what I attract on my own.

Ah, that wonderful fork in the road…

How to get more approaches from dominant women online

After talking about which ways you should not be approaching domme’s online. I’ve got some suggestions for you on how to perhaps have domme’s approaching you (wouldn’t that be nice?). Some might seem common sense, but keep reading. You might find a gem you hadn’t thought of if you have not been very successful in the online BDSM community so far. 

Work out what it is you’re looking for

I’m openly polyamerous and I’m not hugely attached to outcomes – if I go have coffee with someone and we don’t click, I don’t get upset that that person will not be my slave. I just smile and keep going, so I’ve cast a pretty wide net, stating in my profile that I am open to whatever I attract (ie, new friends, play partners, a sub or even a slave to own) but you might know better than me what you’re seeking, are you looking for a play partner for a few sessions? Will they be public or private? Are you looking for a long-term relationship? Someone to hold the key to your chastity device? A new friend or a new community of kinksters who you can learn from, but you’re just a bit shy right now to attend events? Whatever it is, write it down.

Give others’ something to reply to

When I travel I often talk to strangers in drinking holes across the world, if someone is wearing an interesting tee shirt and has open body language, I’ll approach them for a chat. If they seem hostile or unfriendly, bugger the tee shirt, I’m going to avoid them like the plague. If you want others to contact you, or even reply to your messages, write a little bit about you in a vanilla context, talk about your hobbies, use a bit of humour to add some color and be positive, you don’t want people to avoid your profile after you’ve gone to all that trouble of taking fetish-ish pictures because you seem hostile. 

Talk about what you want to do for the mistress

The reason why professional domme’s get so much work from disgruntled attempted lifestylers is because the rest of us read the profiles of ‘do me’ submissives, turn up our noses and walk away.

The messages I’m most likely to respond to are from guys who tell me the things they can do for me that are mundane because I know that the mundane are things they are not going to get off on, so it really is about me. If you message a domme telling her you will give her free foot massages, she’ll know straight away that it’s about you (you dirty foot boy!)

Don’t invent experience

Nothing worse than a twenty five year old “master” with four or five middle-aged online submissive’s in his “leather family” telling everyone he’s been a master since fifteen. Com’on! (Yes, I know I was active online not much older than him, but I was only i*learning* online, not playing with anyone).

For the love of god – no child kink!

Whenever I read stories – the graphic ones are the worst – about games people play as children being tied to kink it really grosses me out, age play is fine. Telling people you like to be erotically tied because it always makes you think of Sally who lived next door to you when you were five is just weird.

Don’t take a S/slashy speak

Taking a slash in Australia is (normally) men’s urination. I hate the term as much as I hate slashy speak (ie. W/we are A/all over Y/your English butchery) I understand that perhaps some online-only mistresses may require their submissives to use this speech, but for the reast of us it’s irritating. Please only keep it to private conversations with people who’ve got the same language butcher fetish.

If you take these pieces of advice to heart and change up your profile a bit, you should have plenty of approaches in no time!

BAD approaches to dominant women by submissive men

The approach for the online “slave” can be one of the more annoying things for female dominants dipping their toe into the online BDSM scene. I’m going to discuss the good, bad and the ugly. Then follow this post with other how to type posts for those that want to be successful and don’t want to be members of this list.

Just exactly how are submissives supposed to approach dominants online?

I’ve recently signed up for a well-known BDSM personals site and have had the usual flood of responses to my ad, most I ignored and for various reasons. 

There’s the “Mistress, may I please contact you?”

Seriously boys, a submissive writing to me to ask if they could write to me – being attracted to intelligence, I cannot answer him.

Obvious SPAM

Sending me the same message multiple times that states they’ve never done this before, telling me I’m beautiful when I don’t have a picture listed or that we have so much in common when I have not written anything – much less anything kinky and fun – is all just plain annoying. Report it already ladies. Let’s get rid of this annoying behaviour! 

One liners – the type that don’t say anything

I don’t mind a one-liner that shows they have wit or that they read my profile, but if it’s “hi hru” please don’t waste anyone’s time – and stop butchering the language. 

“guilting” me into responding

Yeah, shut up. Everyone know’s you’re a loser. Don’t need to attempt to make amazing women feel bad because they’re not interested in engaging with you. It might have worked on your mother once, but it won't work on me.

Bitching about other Domme’s (worse: in your first message to me)

Being constantly bombarded by bitchy comments about how other domme’s are not “real”, “Genuine”, have different fetishes to them (read their profile and you’ll work it out pretty quickly!) or just don’t respond. I can’t say I care about their interactions with other domme’s online, hearing about it in an introduction too get’s them blocked. Not too sure why these guys’ think it’s attractive, either.

What’s better are the guys who use it as a compliment, “I read your profile and loved how genuine and real you are, not like all those fake domme’s…” *yawm*

If you are unsuccessful and you can point to any of these behaviours and go, “oh shit, that’s me!” it might well be why. 

Next week I’m posting a guide to getting dominant women to approach you. Stay tuned guys!

Music Monday's: Same-same dating

For the first Music Mondays Febuary post (I'm going to do Music Monday's on the last Monday of every month), I decided to post something by Ani Difranco. Being the big queer domme I am it had to happen eventually, right?

For anyone who doesn't know, same-same is what the Thai's say to tourists all the time. Perhaps 'similar' is a difficult word for them, or perhaps it's just something someone said once that stuck. In my mind, BDSM dating is similar to vanilla dating, hence the "same-same dating" title. 

Ani sings this upbeat number which is pretty much like everything else she writes, a flow of conciousness song. There's a few choice lyrics that really resonate with pretty much every bad date (BDSM date or otherwise) we've all been on: 

I think shy is boring
I think depressed is too
I think pretty is nice
but I'd rather see something new

... Wouldn't we all!? Show me YOU and I might be interested. If I lose interest in your pretense, don't be offended. It's not really you, is it?

they wanna take me out to dinner
think I'm a bitch if I don't go
seems like the people who actually like me
won't allow me to say no

I can't tell you how many people I've had to say no to "nicely", I don't bother anymore. If someone doesn't understand that you're not interested by your obvious lack of interest, they've got bigger problems than you need to be involved in.

your idea of a conversation
is the third degree
but I don't really know you
and I don't really want to talk about me

I lose interest in conversations that are all questions about me. This is a two-way thing, right? If you can't make conversation with someone, there's a sign.

I promise I won't keep posting video's with such a negative slant to them about BDSM dating or offencive internet fetishists just as soon as it's out of my system - which will be very soon!